So…I got my prayer answered…she’s back in my life as long as no one makes her uncomfortable about it..no one knows….which..in the moment thats wonderful..I love her so..it feels so good to hold her..for her to tell me she wants me…but I have a problem. ..I can’t trust..I don’t know…I can’t open up to her again….though the love is still there..there is no joy in knowing she will be there when I need her..there is no peace and reassurance..it is like an affair..which I dont want..im not 20..I am 49…when I give myself I give myself completely..all of me..I am not cheap..and I just dont feel secure knowing that the least little look of suspicion will cause her to leave.
Im so torn. Grateful for what I have yet resent the fact that I am getting nothing for my all and Im so easy…cant I have a little dignity..damn.


5 comments on “Unsure..conflicted

  1. Ouch. Conflicted for sure. Love has many lessons… You are in the thick of a good one. Love big. Love brave. Love while being honest and vulnerable. Love will set you free but you must first free yourself. ❤️

    • I appreciate your posts.
      True to form she called to say that “She couldn’t do this…she was afraid…”
      That didn’t take long.,…. I had pressed her for a time line of when she was moving in…I knew in my heart that she was just stringing me along. Got off of the phone with her..and came out on My Tammy Ricks..ft status.
      So far I have only gotten love posts.
      I was just tired of hiding in the shadows..I want to breathe the air..I wanted to come out from under the rock and stand by God on the Rock…so here I am.

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