I can’t breathe

My love visited me the other night, though she did not stay. She did admit for the first time
It was for fear she ran away.
She said she didn’t mean to hurt me
But the thought of disclosure terrified her so..
She could not tell me so she just left..without closing the door.
I stood there speechless..blind..dumb..and deaf..
The sound of trains and madness rushing through my head.
I had a nervous break down..I went and got some pills
Tomorrow would be our first year anniversary….we said I do and will
…sick is how I feel.
I started coming off of the nerve pills…and I told you that I had let you go..
Its been five months now and now you come knocking at my door.
I started taking the pills again…I’m just not sure..
You say that you have missed me and you’ve been lonely and …..
And….and…and
It felt so good to have you in my arms again..to kiss your lips..to feel you reach for me…
As badly as I want you..
I cant plan anything with you
I cant live with you
We cant share our lives together
I want to believe you but I did that once..if you take me for another ride and leave me…it would surely do me in..
I dont know what to think….again..
I love you..Im glad you’re back…are you back..or just keeping me hooked..
Im tired. Im too old for this..I do not like games..I do not like games. I DO NOT LIKE GAMES.

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